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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2016 21:41:42 GMT -5
Hey mate, you live with a completely different group of Colombian's than I do, I can't relate to your analogies regarding lifestyle. All my family down to the college kids are responsible citizens and take marriage and life in general quite seriously. All are employed, they take care of their own children, pay their bills, don't chaser skirts. This is one area of Colombia that is difficult to understand, the lower working class are a separate group as compared to professionals. The lower class like my Mayordomo normally don't marry, they shun education, they are ultra macho and often fight but they in no way relate to the Colombian educated class of people. Some of the best people I've ever met are Colombians, kind, gracious, educated, excellent work ethics, respectful of their peers and God fearing citizens with maybe a few flaws, they tend to drink a lot, they are overprotective of their families actually to the point of being ridiculous in taking sides even when they know the family member in question is dead wrong. I have yet to meet a family member here that if in trouble, even temporary that the family didn't jump right in to rescue them, resources, money, family disputes etc. Maybe someday I'll be exposed to YOUR Colombia but as of now I don't recognize it, you must live in a totally different world than I do.
Horseshit I'm talking about the majority of Colombian families, you don't seem to have stepped out of the fenced compound you live in. From what I remember you've posted on here on numerous occasions that your family was recently the victim of serious crime - from what I remember an in law was executed in cold blood - yet now you write as if every Colombian you've ever met is directly related to Mary Poppins. If you ever walk outside of that fence you'll experience Colombia, right now you're just on an enforced all inclusive vacation. Upperclass families are trying so hard to hide they family problems, that maybe even the gringo is considered somehow as an outsider of the family clan, and is not aware of the family issues.
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Post by billforce on Jul 24, 2016 23:37:21 GMT -5
No, but I did know my wife for almost 3 years before I even came to Colombia, no great surprises. I'll repeat, that a large majority of Expats come here with their hats in their hands, no knowledge of anything Colombian. They fall in LUST, get married or other obligations and get burned horribly. I have no empathy for them. As Dear Abby stated years ago. "You don't go Trout fishing in s Herring Barrel". If you want Trout, then you go where the Trout are. Cost my best Gringo friend $35,000. USD, hard lessons. I asked by buddy why in the hell did you fall for such a cheap scam, if you want a legitimate romance then why not at least start out with a quality woman. He said, well, all the better ones are "stuck-up". By "stuck-up" do you mean they aren't easy and fall all over you like a cheap suit? There are a few Gringo's here that came because of work or work related jobs, they are vastly different than the Gringo's coming here looking for Babes, Drugs, Scams etc., those are the one they send back with their tails between their legs and usually broke.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 7:04:49 GMT -5
Horseshit I'm talking about the majority of Colombian families, you don't seem to have stepped out of the fenced compound you live in. From what I remember you've posted on here on numerous occasions that your family was recently the victim of serious crime - from what I remember an in law was executed in cold blood - yet now you write as if every Colombian you've ever met is directly related to Mary Poppins. If you ever walk outside of that fence you'll experience Colombia, right now you're just on an enforced all inclusive vacation. Upperclass families are trying so hard to hide they family problems, that maybe even the gringo is considered somehow as an outsider of the family clan, and is not aware of the family issues. You are absolutely correct, SR, the gringo will be the last to know what's going on in the family and unless he himself has a Latino background he will never understand the intricacies how Latinos function. Latin pride dictates to the family to preserve an image by all means to which the gringo is completely oblivious.
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Post by búfalo on Jul 25, 2016 7:35:52 GMT -5
BF, wow, sounds like your friend almost went into it knowing ir at least suspecting something. Too many gringos fall for what seem are obvious scammers. Everyone can still be duped but some just seem to look for it.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 7:37:11 GMT -5
No, but I did know my wife for almost 3 years before I even came to Colombia, no great surprises. I'll repeat, that a large majority of Expats come here with their hats in their hands, no knowledge of anything Colombian. They fall in LUST, get married or other obligations and get burned horribly. I have no empathy for them. As Dear Abby stated years ago. "You don't go Trout fishing in s Herring Barrel". If you want Trout, then you go where the Trout are. Cost my best Gringo friend $35,000. USD, hard lessons. I asked by buddy why in the hell did you fall for such a cheap scam, if you want a legitimate romance then why not at least start out with a quality woman. He said, well, all the better ones are "stuck-up". By "stuck-up" do you mean they aren't easy and fall all over you like a cheap suit? There are a few Gringo's here that came because of work or work related jobs, they are vastly different than the Gringo's coming here looking for Babes, Drugs, Scams etc., those are the one they send back with their tails between their legs and usually broke. Wow, your best friend sounds like a real class act-came to Colombia TO SHAG SOME EASY $&%&%^ !! Surprised you would be associated with someone like that, lay down with dogs and wake up with fleas.
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Post by dandl93 on Jul 25, 2016 7:40:18 GMT -5
Here is a story I'm going through right now. Gf has an almost 9 year old daughter, she separated from the kids dad when the girl was two because she found out he had a mosa. He never bothered to see his daughter except once when gf's mom took the kid over to his apartment some tree years ago. I talked her into going after him for child support. He is about to retire from the army and child support is pretty well guaranteed because the army will take it out of his paycheck and send it into her bank account. There is also a matter of back child support for almost 7 years. At the hearing in family Court he showed up with a lawyer the army provided, claiming she abducted the child, he had no idea where she lives and he want's custody because the mother suffers from depression and is an unfit mother. His layer produced medical records from 7 years ago when she was treated for depression. What mother with a 2 year old wouldn't get depressed if she finds out her companion of several years sleeps with an other woman? His mother always liked the kid and will raise her of course and he won't have to pay child support. The meeting was adjourned to August 5. I got her a good family lawyer or she might lose the child and I can't wait what the outcome will be. If you go back to your thread about this you will find a post that told you it will probaly open a can of worms you do not want, do to the father being in the Army. This will bite you in the butt many times over before it is done.
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Post by elexpatriado on Jul 25, 2016 7:51:35 GMT -5
Yeah, family is number one on all levels, sure.... Adult males dating little kids, neither family says anything, nooo Uncles, older cousins sexually abusing little kids in the family, nope, never (or a constant?) Parents abandoned and thrown out to the street once they become a burden, course not Family members stealing from each or not paying back debts, or losing property because their stupid brother doesn't pay rent amd they were the fiador, ohhhh and HOW many single moms out there? How often does one of the four dad's she have kids with show up? Kids with the maid forgotten about blah, blah, blah but hey the writer needs material so Colombia is aaaaall about family. Yeah sure, how long was she in Colombia for? Did the boyfriend cause her financial difficultt and try to sleep with her cousins yet ? Not to mention 85% of kids grow up in wedlock and 50% never see thier dad who has abandoned them financially. Family values ..yeah..sure when it comes to leaching off of the gringo..
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Post by redriver on Jul 25, 2016 8:02:22 GMT -5
Since i am new with my marriage of my Colombian wife of two years. I have witnessed my wife in paying all of the household bills and half of the mortgage. Now that we have our own place. My wife noticed that the other family members are suddenly able to pay the bilis who are living in the house.
So here's the delima, my wife sent her 17 yr. old son to live with his deadbeat Dad who never paid a dime in child support. The good news, is that, her son realized how lazy his father is and does not want to be like him. Now he's coming to live with us in December to be able to obtain his HS degree and then he wants to get a Technical degree. I have no problem helping someone who's trying to improve their life. But when do you finally say that it's time to cut the string?
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Post by elexpatriado on Jul 25, 2016 8:04:24 GMT -5
Second Suba's comment. So Billforce, you are telling us that you CHOSE to associate with each individual family member of your wive's before marrying into the family? If not, and it is all amazing as you say, then you got lucky. It's hard enough to know everything about the people we live with and have intimate relationships with, just ask anyone who has been divorced. So Bill must have super powers to be able to do this with each member of a large family. I think he should start a physic hotline. Call 1 800 ESP-BILL.. Not only that, with Only speaking chimchambiano Spanish level after all these years.. Yeah I am sure he is more atuned than Búfalo , who speaks so well the Colombians think he is Colombian. Anyway we have been through this before, let Poor old Bill have his fantasies
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 9:35:51 GMT -5
Here is a story I'm going through right now. Gf has an almost 9 year old daughter, she separated from the kids dad when the girl was two because she found out he had a mosa. He never bothered to see his daughter except once when gf's mom took the kid over to his apartment some tree years ago. I talked her into going after him for child support. He is about to retire from the army and child support is pretty well guaranteed because the army will take it out of his paycheck and send it into her bank account. There is also a matter of back child support for almost 7 years. At the hearing in family Court he showed up with a lawyer the army provided, claiming she abducted the child, he had no idea where she lives and he want's custody because the mother suffers from depression and is an unfit mother. His layer produced medical records from 7 years ago when she was treated for depression. What mother with a 2 year old wouldn't get depressed if she finds out her companion of several years sleeps with an other woman? His mother always liked the kid and will raise her of course and he won't have to pay child support. The meeting was adjourned to August 5. I got her a good family lawyer or she might lose the child and I can't wait what the outcome will be. If you go back to your thread about this you will find a post that told you it will probaly open a can of worms you do not want, do to the father being in the Army. This will bite you in the butt many times over before it is done. I remembered your words, Dan, but I couldn't resist the challenge. This gf who is dirt poor and is the only one of 7 siblings who has unselfishly helped her aging parents survive and fed and clothed her little nephew and paid for his schooling, a kid her sister dumped in grandma's lap when he was six months old and took off to Brazil with some guy. Besides taking care of her own little daughter for the last seven years, she deserves all the help she can get. Yeah, there seems to be a tele-novela going on in many families. Now my only hope is that the family judge and the army attorney didn't go to law school together and are old friends. .
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Post by búfalo on Jul 25, 2016 10:03:02 GMT -5
Jajaja elexpartiado, just had a dominican girl surpised to find out I wasn't Colombian, she didn't believe I wasn't even latino. My wife finally had to ba k me up. All this halpened in the gym, had you been there I guess she would've thought you were still in your twenties, right? jejejeje
Besides the wedlock, no dad thing I am also, well not so much anymore, surprised how maby people grow up thinking dad is dad but it's really someone else.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 11:17:55 GMT -5
Since i am new with my marriage of my Colombian wife of two years. I have witnessed my wife in paying all of the household bills and half of the mortgage. Now that we have our own place. My wife noticed that the other family members are suddenly able to pay the bilis who are living in the house. So typical. There is a word used in Colombia: Aprovechados.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2016 11:21:45 GMT -5
If you go back to your thread about this you will find a post that told you it will probaly open a can of worms you do not want, do to the father being in the Army. This will bite you in the butt many times over before it is done. I remembered your words, Dan, but I couldn't resist the challenge. This gf who is dirt poor and is the only one of 7 siblings who has unselfishly helped her aging parents survive and fed and clothed her little nephew and paid for his schooling, a kid her sister dumped in grandma's lap when he was six months old and took off to Brazil with some guy. Besides taking care of her own little daughter for the last seven years, she deserves all the help she can get. Yeah, there seems to be a tele-novela going on in many families. Now my only hope is that the family judge and the army attorney didn't go to law school together and are old friends. . One thing I learned: You can't fix your gf's family issues. And it's especially true in Colombia. Colombian women are so good at making you believe you're a sort of White Knight. And we men are so easy to fall into this trap. Girls who make you believe you're a white knight, they are gold diggers in disguise.
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Post by billforce on Jul 25, 2016 12:00:13 GMT -5
No, but I did know my wife for almost 3 years before I even came to Colombia, no great surprises. I'll repeat, that a large majority of Expats come here with their hats in their hands, no knowledge of anything Colombian. They fall in LUST, get married or other obligations and get burned horribly. I have no empathy for them. As Dear Abby stated years ago. "You don't go Trout fishing in s Herring Barrel". If you want Trout, then you go where the Trout are. Cost my best Gringo friend $35,000. USD, hard lessons. I asked by buddy why in the hell did you fall for such a cheap scam, if you want a legitimate romance then why not at least start out with a quality woman. He said, well, all the better ones are "stuck-up". By "stuck-up" do you mean they aren't easy and fall all over you like a cheap suit? There are a few Gringo's here that came because of work or work related jobs, they are vastly different than the Gringo's coming here looking for Babes, Drugs, Scams etc., those are the one they send back with their tails between their legs and usually broke. Wow, your best friend sounds like a real class act-came to Colombia TO SHAG SOME EASY $&%&%^ !! Surprised you would be associated with someone like that, lay down with dogs and wake up with fleas. Retired California School Teacher, taught Spanish in the schools there. Old enough to be retired but not old enough to not be scammed. He was barely here when he was set up by the girl, the bartender (ex-boyfriend) and the compulsion of the idiot Gringo to have a family here. He was as green as taking a Nun out of a convent and placing them on the streets, dumber than a post.
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Post by billforce on Jul 25, 2016 12:10:53 GMT -5
Reading most of the posts here I will digress back to my original statement, "You don't find Trout in a Herring barrel" Poor families with multiple kids etc. What the hell do you expect, Beverly Hills in Colombia, no Rodeo Drive here in the Barrios. There are places that can meet quality people, two of my Gringo friends found their mates in the Supermarkets. Poor people usually don't go to PriceSmart or Carulla, they shop at the cheapest low end Mercados. Social Clubs are a good entrance maybe even a library (poor don't read books) and perhaps even a Church if you are so inclined but you aren't going to find your Ivana Trump in a local Tavern. Speaking from my own families experience, "word of mouth is the best" source.
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Post by búfalo on Jul 25, 2016 12:37:01 GMT -5
Well off and rich by far does not equal people of class, just people with money.
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Post by billforce on Jul 25, 2016 18:46:50 GMT -5
Well off and rich by far does not equal people of class, just people with money. Never was that more true than here in Colombia, the wealthiest people in Pereira when I lived there were all MAFIOSO's. I never mentioned MONEY, I stated quality people with class.
As I told a broad in Beverly Hills who dumped a drink over my head at "Jimmy's", probably the best gin mill in B.H.'s "I always wanted to meet a lady with class, too bad yours is all low".
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Post by wildstubby on Jul 25, 2016 22:03:49 GMT -5
billforce said:
You need to find some new material! I think Henny Youngman used most of them!!
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Post by billforce on Jul 25, 2016 22:20:42 GMT -5
billforce said: You need to find some new material! I think Henny Youngman used most of them!!This is for real azzhole, it happened exactly like that but I left out the part about the ensuing fight between her boyfriend, me and a couple others. You sound jealous Amigo, get a life.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 4:48:05 GMT -5
I remembered your words, Dan, but I couldn't resist the challenge. This gf who is dirt poor and is the only one of 7 siblings who has unselfishly helped her aging parents survive and fed and clothed her little nephew and paid for his schooling, a kid her sister dumped in grandma's lap when he was six months old and took off to Brazil with some guy. Besides taking care of her own little daughter for the last seven years, she deserves all the help she can get. Yeah, there seems to be a tele-novela going on in many families. Now my only hope is that the family judge and the army attorney didn't go to law school together and are old friends. . One thing I learned: You can't fix your gf's family issues. And it's especially true in Colombia. Colombian women are so good at making you believe you're a sort of White Knight. And we men are so easy to fall into this trap. Girls who make you believe you're a white knight, they are gold diggers in disguise. SR there is a lot of truth in what your saying, in this case though I told her clearly that I can afford to support her and her daughter but the rest of her 'dependents' she needs to take care off. She likes to work and she fully understands my economic situation, so a gold digger she is not, a rare exception in this country. She is way too young to retire anyway and sit around the house all day.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2016 9:01:54 GMT -5
One thing I learned: You can't fix your gf's family issues. And it's especially true in Colombia. Colombian women are so good at making you believe you're a sort of White Knight. And we men are so easy to fall into this trap. Girls who make you believe you're a white knight, they are gold diggers in disguise. SR there is a lot of truth in what your saying, in this case though I told her clearly that I can afford to support her and her daughter but the rest of her 'dependents' she needs to take care off. She likes to work and she fully understands my economic situation, so a gold digger she is not, a rare exception in this country. She is way too young to retire anyway and sit around the house all day. I hope you'll stick to this very good limit. A lot of Colombian women are still into the old model of man financially in charge of the family. They may work, but still expect you to be in charge. Which is what you're doing right now. Where is the limit between normal household spending and taking advantage of you? I honestly don't have a definitive answer to this question myself. I think it would be that when the support is getting way out of her initial level of spending and personal comfort.
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Post by wildstubby on Jul 26, 2016 20:56:16 GMT -5
billforce said: Well bf, a couple things I have learned is #1, it takes one to know one!; and #2 The most tender nerve is found directly behind the bullseye!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2016 15:22:43 GMT -5
billforce said: Well bf, a couple things I have learned is #1, it takes one to know one!; and #2 The most tender nerve is found directly behind the bullseye!!!! I wonder if all those high class people and family members that BF associates with knows that he trolls internet message boards late at night and calls people nasty names like azzhole? Probably not, but fair is fair as he has no idea what all these high class people are doing either!
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Post by gallito on Jul 27, 2016 16:55:06 GMT -5
OK folks,the comments are getting out of hand,agree to disagree and leave it at that.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2016 17:36:19 GMT -5
SR there is a lot of truth in what your saying, in this case though I told her clearly that I can afford to support her and her daughter but the rest of her 'dependents' she needs to take care off. She likes to work and she fully understands my economic situation, so a gold digger she is not, a rare exception in this country. She is way too young to retire anyway and sit around the house all day. I hope you'll stick to this very good limit. A lot of Colombian women are still into the old model of man financially in charge of the family. They may work, but still expect you to be in charge. Which is what you're doing right now. Where is the limit between normal household spending and taking advantage of you? I honestly don't have a definitive answer to this question myself. I think it would be that when the support is getting way out of her initial level of spending and personal comfort. Well SR, the way I handle it: I pay the rent and the utilities and when we go grocery shopping I pay for it all. Sometimes when I feel generous I buy her or her daughter a piece of clothing or a pair of sandals, I also pay for her daughters school expenses. Her family lives far away from us, she has her own bank account where she keeps the money she earns and sends money to her parents every months (Mom is 78 and dad is in his 80' and neither receives any pension, mom does the cooking for a doctors family and earns 200.000 a month). She transfers the money into her gf's account who gives it to her mom. I told her if for some reason she runs out of work I'll help her support her parents, so far I didn't have to. She is a very proud woman and never asks me for anything. I got her banking information out of her so I can look at her account once in a while so I know what's going on because she won't talk about her finances. I am running a tight ship and won't accept any nonsense, but with her I don't have to worry, she is every bit as frugal as I am. A previous gf is from an upper class family and I couldn't stop her from spending, she was used to buy anything she wanted and she couldn't change. We finally broke up after four years over money issues, other than that she was a very attractive and interesting woman.
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Post by suba on Jul 27, 2016 21:04:28 GMT -5
To be fair it doesn't sound as if you're being ripped off or anywhere near it. If you met a European or American woman I'm sure you'd be shelling out a lot more.
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Post by gallito on Jul 27, 2016 21:24:29 GMT -5
CG;admirable that she looks out for her parents,enduring qualities and commitment;something you don't see in many N.American families.Most are happy to send mom and dad to a home and hope their pensions will cover it. One only hopes when they get to that stage their children will at least visit.
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Post by wildstubby on Jul 28, 2016 7:19:46 GMT -5
costenogringo said: @costenogringo, that is mighty noble and chivalrous of you! I would venture a bet that all on here, (ok, maybe one isn't but we won't get into that!), are sitting on the sidelines rooting for you. I admire your qualities as a man!!!! However, I guess like everyone else, I would just be careful!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2016 8:18:58 GMT -5
Thanks for the kind words wildstubby, I need to mention at this point that I'm not a tightwad but on a modest pension and trying hard not to dig into my savings. Recently I had to though when I paid her family attorney US$900. He wanted a lot more but she managed to convince him to lower his fee.
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Post by scumbuster on Jul 28, 2016 8:54:07 GMT -5
$900 US sounds pretty steep.
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